Ahimsa Shakti

Recently someone revealed something pretty deep and personal, and I honestly wasn’t sure if I could be with this person’s experience. Their experience was so far outside my own experiences. I wasn’t sure I would have anything to draw upon to relate and understand in a way that would be meaningful for this person. The first thing I thought to do was create a safe space. I said something along the lines of, “You can express anything to me, as long as you can accept that I may or may not be able to meet your needs.” This was important, because I actually created a safe space for both of us. I have always been quiet. And in being quiet, when other people were alone with me, they felt the need to fill that silence. I became a listener, whether or not I was ready to be a listener. As a young teen, I sometimes had adults share things with me that they probably shouldn’t have, because I wasn’t ready to listen to and support an adult’s problems. Whether I wanted to or not I became a listener–empathic, caretaking–at times, at my own expense. Creating a safe space for someone else while honoring my own limits was new territory for me. I was able to be with this person at a much deeper level than I anticipated. For even though our experiences are worlds apart, I do know what it is like to hold something inside for so long. And to finally get to a place where you are ready to share this thing. I know what is like to feel fear. Guilt. Shame. Relief. What it is like to need a safe space. I pulled forth that own need in myself. I said something along the lines of, “I know what is like to need a safe space.” I used different words, but that was the essential message behind the words. I shared about a time when I needed this kind of support. And you know what, I was able to be with this person. I was able to provide something they needed, that I didn’t believe I was capable of providing. I wrapped this person up in all the tenderness that I needed in my moments. I was bold where they needed me to be bold and soft where they needed me to be soft. I let go of thinking about what the right thing to do was, and just did what felt right. We both grew from this experience. We were both transformed. I used the art of a doula, the art of “being with” another, in a new context. This is the work that I love to do. The fierce work of love.